Cai Qin in Songs#
Occasionally, a drizzle floats by
Droplets scatter all over the ground
Searching for which silhouette under the umbrella resembles you the most
Ah, this is truly a boring game
Once in a while, a drizzle floats by
Droplets scatter all over the ground
Maybe when the rain stops
I will be able to see you again
Maybe the rain should keep falling endlessly
……
Listening to this beautiful melody, thoughts keep surging forth.
As a child, I grew up listening to Cai Qin's songs. My mother loved to listen to music, and she would play classic songs from that era, including Cai Qin's "Song of the Frontier," "Just Like Your Tenderness," "Night Shanghai," "Grandma's Penghu Bay," "Reading You," and also enjoyed Teresa Teng's "The Moon Represents My Heart," "Just Like Your Tenderness," "I Only Care About You," among other classic songs from that time, such as "In That Distant Place," "Night at the Military Port," "Lupin Flower," and so on. At that time, I was still very young; although I enjoyed listening to these songs, I did not understand their meanings, nor did I know who the singers were.
Cai Qin in Life#
Gradually, as I grew up, I would unconsciously find these familiar voices while listening to music, including Cai Qin's melodies. As time passed, my understanding of Cai Qin deepened, and I gradually understood the stories and emotions contained in her songs, which reveal a subtle sadness amidst strength. This sadness not only reflects her regret for not being able to communicate well with her father and not receiving his recognition; it also manifests in her rather tragic love story, much like what is sung in "Leave the Sadness to Myself."
Cai Qin's Sadness with Her Father#
Cai Qin's ancestral home is Huangpi, Hubei; she was born in 1957 and grew up in Taipei. Her father, Cai Shijun, was the grandson of Cai Hanqing, a veteran of the Wuchang Uprising, and her mother was from Ruifang District, Taiwan, working as an editor for a magazine.
In her childhood, it seemed that Cai Qin experienced more sadness than happiness. With four children in the family, her father had to take a higher-paying job as a seaman. At first, the children were excited to see their father leave, not knowing what this job meant. Later, they learned that their father would only return once every six months. So, upon hearing this news, when they sent their father off again, Cai Qin's mother and siblings cried heavily, while her father hoped that the composed Cai Qin could take care of the family.
During her university years, Cai Qin perhaps experienced some of her rare happy moments. She originally studied fine arts, but for the sake of a violin, she eventually entered the music industry and became a renowned singer, known as the "Velvet Queen," alongside Xu Xiaofeng and Fei Yuqing. Cai Qin rose to fame starting with the folk song "Just Like Your Tenderness" (composed by Liang Hongzhi). In a reminiscing program with Fei Yuqing, it was revealed that when Cai Qin sang folk songs, Fei Yuqing thought the singer was an older middle-aged person, only to find out that it was still a student, Cai Qin.
During Cai Qin's growth, she always felt a sense of regret towards her father. Cai Qin has four siblings, and she is the eldest. Her father was often away from them, and family reunions were the times they looked forward to the most. Her father and Cai Qin were born on the same day and both enjoyed watching movies. One Saturday, when Cai Qin wanted to go to the movies, her father suddenly stopped her and told her that if she wanted to watch a movie, she had to learn to go alone and gave her an extra penny to watch another show. Perhaps, her father wanted to tell her that in life, we are all alone and must learn to live independently.
Cai Qin's Sadness in Marriage#
Time flies, and as the years passed, Cai Qin's fame became as classic as her old songs. In response to the few who questioned why she sang old songs, Cai Qin confidently replied that old songs are meant to be listened to repeatedly. When she learned that elderly people who had come from the mainland often stayed indoors due to illness, but would come out to chat with her upon hearing she was there, expressing gratitude: "You are so young, how can you sing old songs so beautifully?" Cai Qin's voice has deeply influenced many people.
Cai Qin's fate changed with an invitation from Yang Dechang. She was invited by Yang Dechang to star in "Childhood Sweethearts," and later, Cai Qin fell in love with Yang Dechang, and they decided to marry the following year (1985). When Cai Qin's father learned of the news, he asked her one question: "How will he support you?" Cai Qin replied, "I can support myself." Having already decided to marry, Cai Qin did not hesitate and resolutely began a platonic marriage with Yang Dechang. They ultimately reached an agreement that they could marry but would not have a sexual relationship, reasoning that it was to allow their careers to develop better; it was said that this proposal came from Yang Dechang, and Cai Qin, whose career was on the rise, did not find it inappropriate.
After marrying, Cai Qin not only had a flourishing career but also supported Yang Dechang in at least three of his films, even doing art design for his movies. It wasn't until 1994, with "Independent Era," that Cai Qin began to realize that Yang Dechang had fallen in love with someone else and publicly revealed their relationship, leading to her sudden awakening and the start of a painful single life.
During her period of reflection, she revealed in an interview that a friend who became acquainted with Cai Qin through Yang Dechang later asked her whether she truly did not know or was pretending not to know about Yang Dechang's infidelities. These friends assumed that Cai Qin was aware of the situation but was pretending not to, appearing very noble. However, Cai Qin responded that she was indeed unaware. In reality, before marrying Cai Qin, Yang Dechang had already divorced his American wife, and after marrying Cai Qin, rumors of his affairs with others frequently surfaced, yet Cai Qin remained oblivious. Songs like "Choice" and "Ferry" reflect the doubts and laments of this sad love story.
In her sadness, Cai Qin remained silent for four years. This silence was not only due to the wounds of love but also because her father was in a car accident, bedridden for four years, and ultimately passed away in 1993. During the funeral, while the family openly expressed their pain, Cai Qin dared not let her emotions go until the funeral was over. After a day of hunger urged her to go buy food, she heard the line "Is it because I am not gentle enough to share your worries" from "Leave the Sadness to Myself," and her emotions began to collapse. She regretted not being able to communicate well with her father; although she cared for him during those four years by his bedside, he was not very lucid. Perhaps Cai Qin always wanted to be a daughter recognized by her father, but she was unsure whether she had received his approval or praise. It is said that after her father's passing, not knowing how to cope, she held her father's photo and cried, hoping to receive guidance on how to navigate her difficulties with Yang Dechang. During this phase, songs like "Three Years" often contained Cai Qin's longing or guilt towards her father. (Cai Qin recalls her father on a CCTV program)
In an interview with Cai Kangyong, she expressed that after ending her marriage with Yang Dechang, she still yearned for a love that belonged to her, but was also afraid of being hurt, finding herself in a very contradictory situation (Cai Qin's interview with Cai Kangyong).
In fact, Cai Qin later experienced a second marriage. After the trauma of her first marriage, she was quite cautious. However, in 1999, she met someone she wanted to marry, Jason (a wealthy businessman with the surname Zhao), and eventually got married. At this time, Cai Qin seemed to have been diagnosed with cancer, and she even wrote a will for her younger siblings; fortunately, the final diagnosis was benign. During this time, Jason's comfort and support helped her open her heart. However, this marriage lasted only 13 years (1999-2012). Reflecting on her marriage with Jason, Cai Qin stated that she realized Jason did not love her as much as she thought, and being with him was not good for him.
Even so, Cai Qin still yearned for love. When she saw young girls in wedding dresses participating in singing events, recalling that she was once the most beautiful girl in town, receiving fresh flowers every morning, Cai Qin sadly expressed that although she had once been young and beautiful, she was now fated to be unhappy in marriage, and she wished happiness for that female singer.
The Warmth of Family to Cai Qin#
In Cai Qin's sorrowful yet shining life, family ties provided her with great support. It is said that her sister Cai Fei has given her significant help, especially when Cai Qin faced marital issues, illness, or needed comfort while writing her will, and when she needed assistance in managing her career, Cai Fei was very supportive of her sister.
Strong and Elegant Cai Qin#
Cai Qin is strong and commendable. This is not only because she has left a beautiful voice for many but also because of her kindness. Upon learning of her ex-husband Yang Dechang's passing, Cai Qin felt surprised and regretted not having discovered it earlier, wishing she had ended her marriage with him sooner so he could have had more happy times. Compared to Yang Dechang's high-profile remarks about his marriage to Peng Kaili, where he described his ten years with Cai Qin as "a blank," Cai Qin is indeed kind-hearted. Cai Qin herself commented on this marriage, saying that for her, she invested a lot and did not regret her emotional investment; the only regret was not having known about Yang's life sooner, allowing both him and herself to have a better life.
As I mentioned in “Light and Shadow: The Real Yang Dechang”, we are all limited beings, and it is difficult to accurately and meaningfully evaluate others. Perhaps Yang Dechang seemed a bit unruly, but who can clearly distinguish how much sincerity he had when he proposed a platonic love with Cai Qin, and how much was pretense? Perhaps he did indeed love the young, beautiful, and successful Cai Qin at first, but as time passed and the years washed over them, their castle in the air of a marriage ultimately could not withstand the trials of reality.
The Hopeful Cai Qin#
Misty eyes
Misty rain
Presenting a beautiful distant view
I stand on the street
Already having made a decision in my heart
I think that little rain must be able to wake you up
Occasionally, a drizzle floats by
Droplets scatter all over the ground
If the rain stops, I will be able to see you again
That is my best choice
Cai Qin's singing warms many people. I hope there are some voices in the world that can fill Cai Qin's heart with love and warmth. Perhaps, in this world of mortals, she has already found her direction and some light to move forward.
……
References:
1. Zhihu's commentary on Cai Qin's love story
2. Bilibili's introduction to Cai Qin
3. CCTV: The Woman Who Sings Stories—Cai Qin
@Gengdu Writing